I'm so tired, lol

I want to write some poetic ramblings about how it feels to go through HRT, but I'm struggling to really say much other than just... I'm so tired, haha

The mental stress, the reshaping of my body

I enjoy what it's doing. I want this. I've always wanted this. I've always known I have no opposition to the things that are happening to my body now

But they just leave me so sore, both mentally and physically

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Living in a fugue of dissassociation is a bad way to live... but I do deeply miss the ability for me to just ignore my body and emotions and just.... go about it all

There was a process to it. There was an order to it. There was a technique, honed over years, letting me live a life where I was separated from that which I was perceived

It was still the wrong life for me. It wasn't the one I wanted. But it was still my life

---

It's hard to not mourn who I was

I don't want to forget who I was

I miss the person that I was

I know this is better, I know this is an improvement, I know I'll be far happier with my existence on the other side of all this.

I'm happy that the gnawing feeling in the back of my head, telling me that something was wrong, is finally gone

It's just hard to grow into someone else

Everything aches

I'm tired

I just want to rest