One thing I'm increasingly learning is that the things I did to realize that I'm trans... are very unhealthy for me to continue doing

Constantly pushing against the walls of my identity is good when I'm boxing myself in. But now that the walls are down, all I'm doing is pushing against my sanity.

Getting myself to differing states of thinking through marijuana and caffeine is useful for when I'm trying to push myself to think about things. But they are very bad at stopping me from thinking and worrying about things

I used these things to destabalize my identity, and that was good when I wanted to break an identity that wasn't working for me, but it's very bad when I'm trying to stabalize around one that is

I need to treat myself better

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So with that, to share a little bit on my own journey with these things, I'm gonna stop drinking caffeine past like 3pm. And I'm gonna reduce the frequency and dosage amounts I'm using marijuana, ideally trying to keep myself in a more functional state with less potential for a clouded state of mind.

The combination of these two was resulinting in a lot of anxiety for myself, and I'll be way better off if I stop using them super frequently, and mixing them

Also, as a little aside, I'm trying to be more healthy about my food eating habits by counting my calories. Got myself a little journal I'm making note of them in, heh. I'd use an app... but they all kinda suck and annoy me and I'd rather just write those kinda things on paper, like I do with my planner