What made me broken?

Why was I so afraid of being a woman, of being myself?

Who scared me?

It was my school, I believe

The fear of being punished, of being yelled at, told I was wrong.

My reality was constantly denied by them

My teachers would tell me I was bad if I didn't play my role, so I played it.

I pretended to be a boy, because what else was I to do?

I was assigned this role, it was the only one I was permitted to play

To escape from it, to do anything else, would be to fall into their systems of invoking power over me

I knew that well from a young age. I knew that if I broke the rules, I would be punished, or worse.

Their authority was clear. Their authority was absolute.

If I broke the rules, I would be corrected

To show emotions was to break the rules

To be myself was to break the rules

To be anything other than compliant, other than quiet, other than respectful, was to be punished.

This was my life as a child

I lived in fear

I dreamed of escape

I dreamed of becoming a wolf and running out into the night

I wanted freedom

I wanted to be anything other than myself

I was trapped within my body

Stuck within it, its rules, the world pressuring it to conform to its whims

And it conformed, for a time

It was only in desperation that I realized how trapped I truly was

My worldview, shattered. My hopes, gone. My escape, forbidden

On a silent night, admist swirling thoughts... I died

In my death, I saw the light.

She shouted to be heard, and she was heard

The chains were broken

I was reborn