Hello everyone. My name is Vi

This is probably not the most surprising to anyone who read my previous blog post. But I've been reckoning with the fact that the name "Vivian" never really felt like... me.

Something about Vi just feels a lot more... ambiguous... in a very nice way. It has more androgyny in it, and I like that for the way it can stretch and remold itself more

Vivian had me feeling trapped in the mold of "woman" in a way I didn't like. It just amplified my dysphoria, because I felt like I could never live up to this name I had created for myself, so I was left just fighting in my own head with what to call myself every time I tried referring to myself within my own head

I still enjoy being perceived as a feminine person, she/her is still very nice. I am thoroughly and emphatically a trasfem person, and I will still be working to get myself on HRT still, as I very much don't like my body. And if one limits themself to the binary, absolutely for the love of god call me a woman instead of a man, I'm begging everyone to please never call me a man.

But... am I truly a woman? I don't think I am, I'm just someone who enjoys the feminine, who expresses themself best that way. I'm more a woman than I am a man, but when there are labels to be held outside that, I fit more into those than I do the binary.

Vi is just... a nicer name for me. It's one that isn't wrapped up with my dysphoria, and rather one that leverges the euphoria I've gained by being perceived as not being this masculine figure. It's just... me

Will these conclusions about my identity hold into the future, I'm unsure, nobody can know for sure when redefining their identity. But for now, I believe the best path forward for myself is Vi, not Vivian

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If I am to find myself, I must leverage the fact that I am a liminal self. I am in transition between who I was and who I will be. I have always felt this way, and I must find myself in this state of transition before I can work to become anyone else, for I am lost within myself

If I am to become myself, I must embrace all that I am